Disclaimer: I may have cheated a little and gone over five minutes. I kind of lost track of the time.
I spend my afternoons exploring the neighborhood and taking pictures of rabbits and flowers in the field behind my house. I spend my nights swaying on a swing under the stars. I fall in love with the sunset as I inhale the sweet scents of summer. I watch in awe as the fireflies flicker around me and the crickets sing their song. And I’ve gotten used to doing all of this alone.
A friend recently asked me if I was looking for a relationship, if that’s something that I was looking for in my life right now. They told me that they wanted to wait until they got a little more settled, as they thought they might be moving soon. But for me it’s never been like that. I don’t really decide that I’m looking for someone or not. My outlook is that when it happens, it happens. I tried my hand at a free dating website, because I knew a few people who had used it and met someone they really hit it off with. But it hasn’t worked out for me, and honestly I find it all rather awkward. I can’t focus on finding someone with that kind of singularity.
I know that God has a plan for me, and I don’t know what that entails. I hate it when people talk as though if you’re looking for a mate, then that is definitely what God has planned for you. There are a lot of older, single people who would disagree with that, and unfortunately I think their voices are often not included in society and even in the Church. Sometimes we talk like everyone’s supposed to pair up (maybe this is less-so in Christian circles that mandate celibacy for clergy?), but you know what? The truth is that that’s not God’s plan for everyone (hello, Paul! Remember him?), and that’s okay. I’m not pretending to know what God’s plan for me is. I’m 27; I think there’s most likely a lot of plan left to unfold. And whatever it is, it’s going to be beautiful.
So yep, I’m a little bit lonely. Part of this is because I don’t work on my friendships enough, and I’m trying to change that. And I’ve recently become connected to a motley crew of lovely souls on the interwebs, and I look forward to sharing stories with them in addition to the people I know “in real life.”…
For now, I know three things: 1) I really do long for a companion; 2) I don’t know what the future holds; and 3) God’s plan for me, whatever it is, is good. And you know what? That just may be enough.
Now if you’ll excuse me, the stars are singing a lovely nightsong, and they’re asking me to join in.